The Naked Zombie spotted at Santa Monica Pier

Blasé Southern Californians were mildly amused when a totally nude man walked out from under the Santa Monica Pier headed toward Venice Beach. Eventually police were called, but by the time they arrived, the man had totally disappeared. An investigation in the shadows under the pier discovered neatly folded clothes believed to belong to the exhibitionist male. There were also signs of a struggle and some spent casings that suggested violence had occurred there.

A homeless woman who had been hiding in the shadows told police that she saw the man dragged under the pier by three rough looking men. “They made him remove his clothes before forcing him down on the ground on his knees and placing a gun to his head,” she said, “but before a shot was fired, the man just fell over.”

The woman went on to say that after the man fell over, the thugs who brought him there seemed confused as to what to do. Then, according to the woman, the naked man just stood up, looking a bit dazed and confused. “I’ll never forget what happened next,” she said, “One of the thugs fired three shots into the man but he just turned around and walked away. There were no holes in his body and no blood. The thugs started shouting at one another and ran away in the opposite direction from Venice Beach.”

No one heard any shots fired, so it was assumed silencers were used, or it could have simply been the roar of the surf that muffled the sounds of gunfire.

Speaking on condition of anonymity, one police officer said that similar reports of these zombie-like people were coming in from all over the country. He said the FBI is investigating, but so far nothing concrete has turned up as to an explanation for these walking dead. When reporters asked him numbers of such reports, he was evasive but hinted at a figure above ten thousand.

When contacted by phone, Professor Emeritus Dr. Alton Clevenger of Morgan University in Texas said, “We discovered this phenomenon some time ago. Our examination of one of these living dead proved to a gathering of nationally prominent scientists that such beings exist. As to their numbers, we really cannot say.” He did go on to suggest that only some of the zombies were considered dangerous.

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